Brodzinskyattachment

                   Attachment Issues in the School-Age Adopted Child
                                                      by David Brodzinsky

Attachment relationships are the cornerstone of healthy psychological adjustment. Children's initial
attachments, formed within the first year of life, are usually with their parents, although, with
later development, these emotional bonds broaden to include siblings, extended family, peers,
teachers, and others. When effective, attachment relationships provide children with a sense of
security, trust and confidence, allowing them to explore and interact with the physical and social
world, as well as offering them a safe haven where they can be comforted and emotionally
"refueled" in times of stress. Research has found that young children who are more securely
attached to their caregivers not only show more positive social-emotional adjustment during
infancy but in later life as well. For example, infants who are more securely attached to caregivers
have been found to be more empathic, compliant and socially-skilled in early and middle childhood,
compared to insecurely attached infants, possess more positive self-esteem and demonstrate
fewer behavioral and emotional difficulties. There is also evidence suggesting that the quality of
early attachments may affect adjustment patterns in adulthood, including the way in which
individuals parent their own children.

Psychologists believe that the success or failure of early attachments affect young children's
beliefs and expectations about relationships. In turn, this "internal working model" or
representation of relationships, influences the way children interact with others and evaluate
themselves. Thus, securely-attached children come to see the world generally as a safe place, and
other people as sources of nurture and support. They also tend to view themselves as worthy of
attention from others. Conversely, insecurely-attached children more often view the world as
unpredictable and threatening, others as unavailable, insensitive, or harsh, and themselves as
unworthy of being nurtured.

Adopted children, like their non-adopted peers, develop attachments in predictable ways and are
profoundly influenced by the quality of the relationships they form with the people in their lives.
Research from our laboratory at Rutgers University suggests that, for infancy-placed adopted
people, the degree of security in mother-infant attachment to adoptive parents among
preschoolers generally has been found to be quite high, as well as strongly correlated to
psychological adjustment during this period.

As adopted children enter the school-age years, another component of their attachment system
becomes increasingly important as well as predictive of their psychological adjustment-namely, the
extent and quality of their emotional investment in birth parents. In the preschool years, when
most youngsters are first told about their adoption, there is relatively little understanding of what
this family status means. Children may label themselves as being adopted, and talk about being
born to another set of parents, but their capacity to comprehend the implications of being
adopted is limited because of their cognitive immaturity. Emergence into the school-age years,
however, brings with it substantial changes in children's ability to reason about the world around
them-including the world of adoption. These changes have profound implications for how children
view adoption, their birth parents, and themselves.

As children enter the elementary school years, they become increasingly proficient
problem-solvers. The growth of logical thought, increased sensitivity to the perspectives of
others, and the effects of schooling, among other factors, facilitate this process. School-age
adopted children, when dealing with adoption information - particularly information related to their
relinquishment - are now less likely to automatically accept explanations provided by their adoptive
parents. Instead, they often question why alternative options were not chosen by the birth
parent. "If my birth mother was poor," a child might ask, "Why didn't she get a job?" "Why didn't
you [adoptive parents] give her money so she could keep me?" "If she was all alone and had no
one to help her, why didn't she get married, or have her mother help so she could keep me?" "If
she didn't know how to take care of a baby, why didn't someone teach her?" These simple
solutions for the complex problems faced by the birth parent represent the child's efforts to
understand, and to resolve, the sense of confusion associated with his or her origin and the birth
parents' decision regarding adoption placement.

Another factor influencing children's adjustment to adoption is the way they comprehend the
concept of family. As children enter the school-age years, their understanding of what constitutes
a family undergoes important developmental changes, which in turn complicates their feelings
about being adopted. For example, before 6-7 years of age, most children define a family primarily
in terms of geographical and affectional criteria. In other words, family members are those
individuals with whom one lives and shares loving feelings. In contrast, there is little appreciation
of biological connectedness as a criterion for family membership during this developmental phase.
Around 7-8 years of age, however, children begin to recognize that families are usually defined in
terms of biological relationships. Realizing that they are not tied to their adoptive parents by birth,
but do have birth parents elsewhere, many school-age children begin to show considerable
curiosity about the birth parents and their connection to them. "What do they look like and
where do they live?" they may ask. "Do they have any other children.... Can I meet them?"
These are but some of the questions that arise when children begin to explore their connection
to their birth family at this time.

Finally, another cognitive achievement that affects the child's attitudes and adjustment to
adoption during middle childhood is the development of logical thought. With regard to adoption,
this achievement helps to sensitize the child to the issue of relinquishment and adoption-related
loss. For example, early efforts to discuss adoption with preschool children usually focus on the
process by which the adoptive parents brought the child into their family. In contrast, little
information is typically shared with young children about the birth family and the circumstances of
the relinquishment. However, as children move into the period of logical thinking-beginning
roughly around 6-7 years of age-they spontaneously realize that to have been "chosen" by the
adoptive parents, they first had to have been "given up" by someone else-the birth parents.
Thus, children now begin to understand adoption not only in terms of family building, but also in
terms of family loss. It is this experience of loss that often gives rise to the adjustment difficulties
in adopted children at this time.

In their struggle to understand and cope with adoption issues, school-age children begin to
develop an elaborate mental and emotional life related to their birth parents. Filled with facts and
fantasy, hopes and desires, beliefs and expectations, children's internal representations of the
birth parents, and their connection to them, often become a focus of considerable attention and
emotional investment during this developmental phase. Although the connection to the birth
parents may only be on a fantasy level, especially for those youngsters who were placed very
early in life and have no actual memories of their relinquishment, this stage is nevertheless of
considerable importance in relation to the child's emotional well-being and feelings about self.
School-age adopted children show a wide range of emotional adjustment: some are doing quite
well, have positive feelings about themselves, and view their adoption experience in mostly
positive ways; others show considerable adjustment difficulties, as well as diminished self-worth,
and have considerable confusion, pain, and anger in relation to their adoption.

Although adoption adjustment is influenced by a host of factors, attachment history and the way
children view their birth parents and the circumstances of their relinquishment are key
components in this process during middle childhood. When children have a history of reasonably
secure relationships with adoptive parents, siblings, extended family, and others, it contributes to
a more optimistic and positive view of the world, promotes a greater sense of being in control of
one's life, and facilitates more effective coping strategies and better use of support systems in
times of stress. Conversely, a history of insecure attachments produces a more pessimistic view of
the world and undermines psychological adjustment. Along the same lines, when adopted children
have a more positive view of their birth parents and feel more connected to them, emotional
adjustment is enhanced. When birth parents are viewed in a negative light, however, or the child
has difficulty in accepting his connection to them, emotional well-being is undermined.

Parents of school-age adopted children play an important role in helping their youngsters cope
with adoption issues during this period. By creating a family environment characterized by open,
honest, and non-defensive communication about adoption issues, parents not only provide their
children with the opportunity and freedom to explore their feelings about the birth parents, and
perhaps to form an emotional connection to them, but they also affirm the normality of this
process. Finally, because of the importance of the birth family in the mental and emotional life of
school-age adopted children, it is extremely important to help them to find a supportive view of
their origins, and especially the circumstances of their relinquishment. This task often challenges
adoptive parents, either because of a lack of information about the child's background or because
the information available is difficult to deal with and/or violates the parents' value system.
Although there are no easy answers for adoptive parents in these circumstances, it is extremely
important to emphasize the necessity of helping children feel positive, or at least comfortable,
with their origins. Children's emotional well-being is tied to their self-esteem. In turn, self-esteem
emerges out of children's experiences and relationships with others. Adopted children are
influenced not only by relationships within their adoptive family, but also by they
connections-even fantasy based connections-to their biological family. In short, for adopted
children to feel worthy as human beings, they must feel that they come from some-thing
worthwhile. As parents and mental healthy professionals, it is our responsibility to help adopted
children achieve this goal: to feel emotionally connected to, and proud of, both the adoptive and
biological family.